five drafts (and counting) in the backend waiting to be published. absent-mindedness. my mind in a spinning wheel. no wonder i can’t finish a damn post in this blog. it’s true what david ogilvy said: “a wooly writer has a wooly mind.” unfortunately, my expertise is in making mountains out of molehills. so here i am, turning a molehill of a problem into a major roadblock and now, i can’t concentrate.
so what’s been bugging me lately? there are quite a few, actually:
- love life. oh yes, when’s my heart ever become as calm as lake placid? of course it’s always been my issue. now more than ever.
the surfer dude is still very much present in my life. he admitted (a few times, with no holds barred, might i add) how much he likes me. and nothing wrong with that, of course. except that to me, we can’t be anything more than friends. but the problem is, am too selfish to admit that to him so he can go and find someone else who will reciprocate his feelings. in the months that we’ve known each other, i’ve just considered him as my “boy toy” (read this article, it’s not what you think.) i’ve kept him around to make me feel good while waiting for this guy i actually like. (met this guy i like at this class am taking and am liking what am seeing so far. and i wanna see what’s what.)
the surfer dude’s not that bad. he’s cute, kind, industrious, and above all, he adores me. but he’s too far (he lives 8 hours away from me), too young, and has no stable career yet. and by the looks of it, he’s not a husband material. (no, am not yet ready to get married but i at least want my would-be boyfriend to be a hubby material in case i become ready.) but this has been bugging me because this kooky brain of mine wants to keep the guy on the hook without hurting him (crazy, i know). and of all people, i should be the first one to know how it feels to be kept on the hook (i was kept on the hook by my ex-boyfriend for years.) but instead, here i am, about to get an innocent guy’s feelings hurt. (what is wrong with me?!)
2. business. i wouldn’t really call this a problem coz it’s not. but just the same, the whole situation is confusing to me. (they say an optimist would call any difficult situation an opportunity, while a pessimist would call it a problem. am beginning to think am a pessimist.)
my careers’ been going great. projects pushing through as planned. am learning new things everyday. then came this business opportunity from a high school friend.
i have no idea yet what the business is all about coz we’re yet to meet this weekend. this friend of mine knows am a bit business savvy. and one of my dreams is to run my own business. but something tells me the timing of this opportunity is just wrong. just when i am so focused on another project, this opportunity suddenly shows up.
and it confuses me a lot because time is limited. i have a full-time job, a big project, and some other stuff on the side. but on the other hand, i’ve told myself i need to increase my cash flow for this big investment that am planning to venture in. this is just so confusing.
3. project. this project is so big, i consider myself crazy for even coming up with the idea. but it’s here now, so i guess it’s not crazy after all. it’s scary because i don’t know where it will lead me or if it will come to the point of completion. i just keep on telling myself, i’ll deal with this one day at a time.
whew! that was a relief, having let that all out. i needed to do this because just like how the “rock” that used to block the intersect’s function in chuck’s brain, these issues have been hindering my productivity. and i haven’t been my usual self lately.