things i’m good at

i have a love-and-hate relationship with facebook. most of the time, i love it because it’s full of information about the happenings in my surroundings. but other times, i hate it for the same reason. and today is one of those days where i regret having created a facebook account mainly because for the nth time, it has made me feel like a loser despite all my accomplishments in life.

i guess that’s what you get when you’re always in the loop – you see what everybody is doing in their lives. but the sad part is that the comparison never stops, which means envy is always present. in career, for instance. you just want to find out what everybody else is doing for a living. who became a company president or a businessman? who became a plain housewife/husband despite good grades in high school?

and it’s always the job or how good a person is in making money that seems to be the measurement of success. don’t get me wrong – i am more passionate in my career than you think. but still, i can’t shake off devon woodcomb’s (chuck) words: “don’t confuse your job with your life.” so i’ve decided to make a list of the things am good at that are not career-related before i get too deep into self-pity mode:

1. i’m a good daughter and sister. i may not be a perfect daughter and a sister to my parents and siblings, but i can confidently say that i’ve given more than what i was asked – out of love, of course. i love my family dearly that i want to give only the best to them.

growing up in a family that’s always struggling financially, i promised myself that when i become financially free, i will give                    my parents and brothers the kind of life they’ve never enjoyed. and that’s what i’ve been doing right now. i may not be                            married, but the fulfillment and love that i get from supporting my family are enough to make my life meaningful.

2. i’m a good friend. it’s one of the things that i pride myself on. i may not be a social butterfly who has hundreds, if not                           thousands, of contacts. but i can definitely keep long-lasting friendships.

i’m loyal, but i know when i have to tell straight to your face that you need to get your act together. tough love, that’s what                   they call it. and my friends really appreciate this in me. they also love getting pieces of advice from me.

3.  i’m generous. because am good in managing my finances, there’s always room for helping others.

4. i’m passionate. when i set my mind to something, i never stop till i get it. i even inspire other people who aren’t self-starters             like i am. and it feels good to be an inspiration.

5. i’m self-aware. it may not be a common achievement to celebrate, but i still take pride on this one. simply because i believe           that a lot of problems easily get solved when a person is self-aware. and because i am self-aware, it’s very easy for me to just               let go and be happy. i can embrace even the kind of emotions that people usually repress, such as sadness or anxiety                               that’s why it’s easy for me to let go of them.

i didn’t do this list to brag. i’m just trying to count my blessings. because in a world where you are defined by what you do for a living, it’s very easy to forget your true worth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

how much does a “father figure” figure?

carrie bradshaw asks: “how much does a ‘father figure’ figure?” it was a question on her mind because after so many failed attempts at love, it dawned on her that her relationship with men isn’t great because of her deeply-rooted father issues.

carrie grew up without a dad (at least that’s what it says in “sex and the city” but not in “carrie diaries”) because he left when she was still very young. the show didn’t anymore say what happened after that – the hardships she and her mom went through after her dad left. but as the viewer, you can pretty much conclude that her relationships with men have become messed up because of her issues with her dad – she can’t seem to figure out men that she just ends up even more confused every time she exits from a relationship.

now, i’m asking the same question. right in the middle of washing dishes, it hit me that i am probably what i am right now – not a girly girl, tough, independent, bossy, cold – because of my own issues with my dad.

you see, my dad is…let’s just say my mom is undeniably a stronger person than he is. in fact, most of the life-changing decisions they’ve made were my mom’s ideas – buying a house, getting their kids educational plan for college, or sending their kids to elite schools. my dad is just along for the ride most of the time. there were even times when he’d oppose to my mom’s idea, but my mom would still talk him through it. and in the end, mom’s idea had been the best idea for the family.

dad’s also the type who loves to play the blame game. that’s why my mom hated it so much telling him our family’s problem. in the end, i become my mom’s shock absorber, so i know our family’s problems more than my dad does.

and it’s been like that as i grew older. so by the time i became financially independent, i became all the more the “father” figure in the house. i’ve become more of the provider than the nurturer despite being a woman, as my contribution to our household is mostly monetary. i also make crucial decisions from time to time.

this got me thinking – all these probably turned me into this tough woman who thinks like a man, prompting me to go for guys who are tougher than me. so if the guy is such as weeny, i’d think that he’ll just be another big baby that needs to be taken cared of. maybe that’s why maturity (or age) has always been such an issue.

it’s not that i demand or expect too much from the guy. it’s just that this fear of ending up like my mom, who lived a miserable life because her supposed “life partner” isn’t such a partner but just a spectator who criticizes every now and then, is taking over me. and that makes it harder to find a partner.

so how much, then, does a “father figure” figure? a lot. it’s because your father is the first man in your life, and your relationship with him ultimately defines your relationship with other men. he sets the standards against which you compare all the other men you’ll let into your life. he’s the yardstick against which all the other guys will be measured. it’s your father – not your first boyfriend or first love – who will influence your decisions later on in life when you start finding a partner.

 

we all get the love we think we deserve?

we all get the love we think we deserve.

the first time i encountered this line was when i read a novel called “the perks of being a wallflower.” i decided to read it at the time it was turned into a movie. the trailer for the movie was so interesting, i thought i’d read the book version first.

i won’t elaborate anymore on the story, but the main message simply was the line above. at first, i thought i fully understood what it truly meant – that if you don’t treat yourself well enough, nobody ever will. i thought it was simple as that. and funny how, depending on my current circumstance, the meaning of the line changes. just like when i recently decided i’m ready for a relationship and really opened my mind and heart to entertaining suitors (am from the philippines and courtship is pretty much the norm here), all i got where guys that i thought were not good enough for me. while i prayed for better guys, all i got were the “left overs” (i.e. guys who were left after the good ones have been picked out – the jerks and a**holes). and it got me thinking if the line above is even close to the truth because while i thought i deserved better, i got less.

then i received an email of a talk by one of my most favorite motivational speakers that teaches about generosity. in his talk, he made it clear that contrary to what the society believes, generosity is not just about giving or sharing to others what you have – it’s also about receiving. and he adds “you cannot give what you don’t have.”

no, it’s not that i don’t take care of myself well enough. i exercise, watch what i eat, develop my talents, and learn from my mistakes as much as possible to become a better person. but then again, there’s still a problem – i am not comfortable whenever i receive anything from other people.

you see, i have been blessed in my career and my finances so i can be generous to others. (no, i’m not rich but i have been given enough to support my/my family’s needs and still be able to give to others.) i give material things to the less fortunate (not necessarily beggars or panhandlers but people in my life who have less material wealth than i have). and it makes me happy seeing them happy because i have become a part of the solution to their monetary problem. but whenever i receive from others, say, gifts or unsolicited favors, i cringe at the idea because i am so used to giving but not to receiving.

then came this talk about generosity that made me realize things, not only about life in general but in my love life specifically.

maybe deep inside of me, i felt like i don’t deserve it every time i get attention from guys (the good ones). i don’t feel worthy of receiving love from the good ones because i am so used to giving and looking after other people’s needs. i cringe at the idea of getting my needs looked after by a good life partner just because i am usually the “good guy” who does that for others. god, all this time, probably wanted to send a good guy my way, but i’m just too proud to receive the blessing.

it also makes me annoyed whenever my family is so concerned about me they would do anything for me because at my age, i feel like i should be taking care of all of my needs already. instead of being grateful for getting that amount of care from loved ones, i hate the idea because i’m just too proud to ever get help from others. and that problem probably spilled over to other areas of my life such as love life. i never get a man who wants to take care of me (or maybe i do, i just don’t notice because i immediately send the guy packing without really getting to know him first if he didn’t give the best first impression) because i only entertain the ones that i think (subconsciously) i deserved.

we all get the love we think we deserve. all this time, i thought i really deserved to be loved by a great man, but i have just been too proud to receive great loveand maybe opening myself up to a relationship again means being open to receiving love from others.