love, happiness, and the “chicken or egg” conundrum

exactly three and a half years ago, a guy from my former work tried to pursue me. he wasn’t exactly my type (mostly because of our age difference), but it was such an ego boost, knowing that someone like me who rarely gets attention from guys is actually being courted. my guy friend said, at that time, i was “blooming.” i told him maybe because i was happy and was finally moving on from the devastating incident involving the only man i’d ever loved in my life.

fast forward to the present, i have been getting the same comments again from people around me – from friends and even from acquaintances. they said i look a lot younger than 28 and that i am “charming.” coincidentally, i’m being pursued again by a guy, who because of our age difference i decided not to get together with. (although he’s still very much present in my life.)

this got me thinking, am i attracting love because i’m happy or am i happy because i’m attracting love? like the proverbial “chicken or egg” conundrum, i couldn’t help but wonder, which came first: happiness or love?

while there’s no formula in finding love, it’s almost always true that when you are [genuinely] happy, it manifests in your appearance. and as a result, you attract people. like a magnet, you gain more friends and even admirers. because you are fun to be with and pleasant to be around, more people are drawn closer to you. you become more beautiful than usual – you have a certain glow. and that’s when guys can’t seem to resist you that you’ll just find yourself entertaining more than one admirer.

so what then came first, happiness or love? while it isn’t that obvious, love really is the proverbial chicken and happiness is the egg. but love as the proverbial chicken isn’t the romantic kind. it’s usually the capital-L kind – the one you have for yourself, craft, family, friends, and life.

it’s when you are at peace with yourself and trust yourself well enough and the decisions you make on a daily basis. it’s when you are dedicating every day to pursuing your dreams and perfecting your craft, doing what it takes to hone the skills that were given to you and loving what you do for a living. it’s when you have become more appreciative of the people in your life, letting go of any judgment towards your family and friends, knowing that they’ve accepted and loved you as you are. and above all, it’s when you have the zest to wake up every morning, thinking that another opportunity has been given to you to correct your past mistakes and to just enjoy what you have.

when you are given the chance to do all these, the end result is happiness. contrary to what thomas jefferson said, happiness isn’t something to be pursued – it’s really the end result of living your life in love. when the capital-L kind rules your life, the tendency is for you to become happy with where you are and what you have become. the love you have for yourself, craft, family, friends, and life essentially transforms into the romantic kind. and happiness has only become the tool.

with that said, maybe finding true love isn’t a quest for a life partner or a soul mate. it’s about finding yourself and being at peace with what you’ll discover.







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