next please!

dating is a huge part of finding a partner because it is in this stage that they say you will know a guy’s intentions. you get to talk to him face-to-face, read his gestures up close, and hear the tone of his voice clear enough to decipher his underlying messages. but here in the philippines, dating hasn’t really been a part of the norm. so as a single woman in her near 30s, it has never been an issue that i don’t date much.

but i have met enough guys to learn a thing or two about reading signals. i have been single for a while now, and some of my friends seemed more alarmed about it than i am that they had tried to set me up with guys they know. needless to say, none of them worked out (otherwise, i wouldn’t be writing this post). but as disappointing as it may be, i am still thankful i went through all that because i learned these things about knowing if there is a future waiting for the two of you:

  1. things aren’t always what they seem. especially when it’s the first time that you are meeting the guy. at the first meeting, when all you see are rainbows and raining flower petals, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of romanticizing his every move. you’d think that his glances meant he’s already imagining you in a white dress walking down the aisle with him waiting in the end. you’d interpret his smiles as his fondness for you. but remember, things aren’t always what they seem. his glances could mean he’s just curious about what other people around him are doing. or worse, he may not really be glancing at you and your peripheral vision just fooled you. so never assume anything.
  2. if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. trust your instincts is all am saying here. when at the physical level things are hazy, it’s probably time to pass on the job to your instincts. as women, we are blessed with this (thank god!). make use of it. do you feel in you that this guy is just in for the fun of it? run! does it feel like a set up and that intentions aren’t pure? run! whatever it is that can’t be perceived by your senses clearly can get you in trouble if you don’t follow your instincts. also, if he doesn’t seem interested, he probably isn’t.
  3. but don’t pass judgment too quickly either. and by this i mean don’t judge the person without getting to know him first. that is, of course, if you’re already in constant speaking terms. there is probably more to him than what your senses can perceive about him.
  4. if he doesn’t keep the communication going, he’s never gonna do it. ever. this has been told many times. in fact, it’s become a cliche now. as the movie says, “if he doesn’t call you, he’s just not that into you.” and trust that to be true.
  5. never stop trying. you’ll never know what is on the other end of the rainbow if you don’t climb the top and slide all the way down. in finding the right guy, you’ll never know if you two have a future together if you don’t take a risk with him.

i wrote all of these because this new guy and i – our lines got crossed. it’s not the prettiest experience every time this happens to me. but what the heck, i am learning. so this is me, moving on and just reaping the lessons. but i won’t stop.






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