not this time

i feel like history is repeating itself in the form of a 2-day vacation in baler, aurora. the universe is sending my way another temptation that will really test my weakness: bad boys.

i don’t know if i have already mentioned here in my blog that the goody-two-shoes me is very much attracted to bad boys. i don’t know exactly the reason behind it, but it’s been like this since high school. there’s just something in them that gravitate me towards them.

maybe it’s the sexy, smoldering look that makes me melt. or maybe it’s the idea that he can save the damsel-in-distress me from anything. but whatever it is, i just know that there’s a strong force that pulls me towards the “bad boy” type of guys.

and this may have become a liability. because it looks to me like i’m about to make a fool out of myself again because of a bad boy. this guy that i met in baler – he was asking for my number. just when i thought all connections to him would be cut off, my friend tells me “someone’s” asking for my number. and that “someone” is no other than this new guy.

but i won’t make the same mistake again. especially not this time that i’ve already learned these things to avoid unnecessary heartaches:

  1. focus my energy on my passions so i’d stop obsessing. when someone said “an idle mind is the devil’s playground,” he/she was probably obsessing over a lover that he/she can’t seem to reach/have. boredom is what gets me into trouble every time i fall in and out of love. and when i don’t have anything to do except to daydream and ponder over the kilig moments  i’ve had with the guy, i become more and more obsessed with the situation that it hurts me more than it should. it’s a good thing i’ve learned last year that in order to avoid idle time, i’d have to take up hobbies and pursue dreams that i’ve been putting in the back burner.
  2. know when to say “no.” this is probably the most important lesson that i should apply to my present situation. in the past, even if it doesn’t anymore feel right (by “feel” i mean the result of the meeting of the mind and the heart), i still go on doing what i shouldn’t do. the tell tale signs were there that the guy is just playing on me, but heck, i was too blindly in-love to see it. this time, at the first sign of a foul play, i’ll immediately run off like a zebra running away from a lion.
  3. never assume anything. assuming that both good and bad things could happen always gets me in trouble. because either way, assumptions are never close to reality. so this time, i will focus my energy on my dreams (see #1 lesson) instead of daydreaming.
  4. learn to live with anxiety. paulo coelho said that anxiety has always been present, even at the moment we were born. and it is always going to be there, so we’d better learn to live with it. in the matters of the heart, anxiety is always a result of not being able to know what’s going on in the mind of the other person. but now that i’ve learned to never assume anything, i should also be able to manage my anxiety. as they say: “cross the bridge when you get there.”

i don’t know what the future holds for me. but one thing is sure, i’m much wiser now. i may make mistakes, but i’ll surely get up again.





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