every new person who steps into your life has a reason for being there. you may not always notice it but he/she somehow leaves a mark that can change your life forever.
just like in dating, every guy that you meet will teach you a thing or two about yourself and about finding the right life partner. just like how this new guy i met recently (the surfer dude) changed my outlook in dating and in myself.
no, it’s not that there is a chance we’d be together. we are in “texting” terms, but i honestly don’t think we could go beyond that. but i’ve definitely broken out of the box i trapped myself into when i met him. and before i discuss how i was able to do that, here are the reasons why i don’t think we can be together as a couple.
- the distance can kill us. while i don’t mind being in a long distance relationship, i certainly would mind if we don’t even get to spend enough time together before we part ways physically. i just don’t think you can build a foundation for the relationship that’s strong enough if you’re already away from each other in the early part of the relationship. this new guy is at least a 6-hour bus ride away from me. and we only met once before we came into “texting” terms. i don’t think that is enough for me to really invest in the relationship.
- we have different goals in life. i know better now than to judge people before really getting to know them. but this guy obviously wants different things in life than i do. i know that him choosing a different path to walk along doesn’t make him any less of a person than me. but i believe i still have the right to choose someone whose goals in life are somewhat in line with mine.
he can be a surfer all his life – nothing wrong with that if that’s what he’s good at. but that becomes a problem for me because it also means he has to be in baler, a place that i don’t think i can call home.
3. i can’t talk to him. by talk i mean be in a proper conversation with him. he wants us to text all the time, but he doesn’t give me anything. he doesn’t ask me anything about me, which makes me think he’s not interested enough to really get to know me. it’s like he just wants to have a textmate to kill time when he has nothing else to do. it’s not that am expecting him to be a great conversationalist. heck, i know i have plenty of things to learn in that department. it’s just that without the basic skills in conversation, i won’t be able to learn anything about him – especially the crucial information.
okay, enough ranting. while i may have a lot of issues with him, the most important part is that i’ve learned a few things from this experience.
- you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you just want to change a person. i have a lot of issues with him now and am sure i’ll still have plenty more if and when i get together with him. and changing him (or forcing him to) is very tempting to do. but then i realized you shouldn’t be in a relationship with the person, hoping you can change him into someone you truly like. that’s not your job. he should be able to do it himself and for his own good. if he’s not the kind of person you wanna be with in the first place, why bother keeping him?
it’s like buying a shirt. you find a shirt you like, with prints and all, but it’s too big for you that it looks like a dress on you. would you buy the shirt and then go through all the trouble of having it fixed by a seamstress just to make it fit you? no! you get the right size for you while you’re in the store. and if it’s not anymore available, it’s okay because there are plenty more in the rack and in other stores.
2. look for specific qualities, not for a specific person. i always fall in a trap that i set myself – the fear of not being able to find someone who will love me as me. maybe that’s why i find it difficult to walk away from failed relationships and meetups because i have this stupid idea that i will never be able to find those types of guys again.
but like i said, this idea is stupid. i realized now that it’s not that there is anything wrong with me that i can never keep a guy. it’s just that i fall in love with guys that are not fitted for me. they are either too much to handle or are beyond me.
3. if it doesn’t work out, don’t take it personally. find one that works instead. this is somewhat related to lesson number 2. like i said, i’d always think something is wrong with me every time me and the guy don’t work. but i now realize that i shouldn’t have that mindset. i shouldn’t belittle myself and think that no one else will take me. i have already accomplished enough and learned enough to deserve to be loved. so if it doesn’t work out with the guy, i shouldn’t compromise my values. and instead, find one that works.
4. love takes work and time – just keep the faith. maybe it’s easy for others to find someone who wants to be in a relationship with them. but that doesn’t mean the love will stay and their relationship will survive. it’s been a long and winding road for me, and i’ve been through a lot of emotionally torturing experiences. but i know that in the end, it’s all gonna be worth it, and i will find the one. i will find that shirt that, while it may not be the best-looking shirt in the store, fits me just right.
i don’t need to say again that i am not searching for the one because i want to settle down already. god knows am not into that yet. it’s just that i won’t really know if being in a relationship is for me if i don’t at least try to be in one. besides, falling in love is the best feeling in the world, why should i deprive myself of that?