journey and destination

i’m never one for long trips. i hate hours and hours of driving or commuting. maybe that’s why i settled for working at home even if work is on a graveyard shift just so i’d avoid commuting everyday for 2 hours or more. but as i grew older and realized that life is far from what i’ve expected it to be when i was a hopeful youngster who wears rose-colored glasses like polyanna, i started to appreciate life as a journey rather than a mere destination.

in achieving dreams and goals, for instance, because humans are designed to never be contented, we always reach that point in a quest where we feel bad when we achieve what we’ve been pursuing as if not getting it at all. we feel that pang of anxiety every time we reach the destination, as if we never really reached it. maybe that’s why some say that what makes pursuing a dream exciting is not actually getting what we want but living each day with that longing in your heart. in other words, it’s always the journey that’s more exciting, not the destination.

the more exciting part is usually the lead up to the kiss and not the kiss itself, the process of exploring the possibilities of a story and not the submission of the final draft, the sights and sounds of nature you encounter along the way when going out of town and not the stop itself, and the courtship or flirting stage in a relationship and not the first year anniversary. the hunger to reach a certain point is always thrilling because you don’t know if you’re going to make it to the end or not.

so what’s the point of waking up everyday if we’ll just keep on pursuing things but never really get them? unbeknownst to us, we gain more than what we are actually pursuing. we discover what we can and can’t do whenever we work hard getting what we want. and most of all, we add spice to our lives because of the mystery in not knowing what lies ahead.

so next time, there’ll be no more anxiety in waiting for mr. right because you know you’re still being transformed into who you should be to be ready for a relationship. there’ll be no more boredom while waiting for the next vacation because every day is not just passed off as a stop over but a part of the journey. and there’ll be no more insecurity about whether or not you’ll succeed in life, knowing that success is an accumulation of everyday discoveries and victories.

the journey – as grueling as it may be sometimes, it’s what makes the destination worthy of the anxiety in waiting for the full stop.




love in a limbo

whitney houston’s dead but her question “where do broken hearts go?” is still unanswered. and maybe we’ll never find the answer to that because that’s just the way life is. but despite this sad reality, i still dare ask the question: “where does premature love go?”

premature love – a term that isn’t officially recognized yet by dictionaries all over the world but exists nonetheless in my vocabulary. it’s the kind of love that isn’t in its full-blown state yet but already has its roots. it’s when two people are past the flirting stage after months of constant communication but aren’t quite there yet in the commitment phase. they’re somewhere in between. they’re in a limbo. 

in a limbo – maybe that’s where premature love can be found. you and the other person don’t know how each of you would fit into each other’s life yet. you don’t know what you are to him, and he doesn’t know what he is to you either. you just know that you are special to him and he is to you.

you don’t have a “label” yet. and maybe that’s because you refuse to define whatever it is that you have. or maybe because it’s hard to define it at this point. but you know it’ll amount to something. still depending, of course, on how much effort each of you puts in. 

but is that a bad thing? maybe not. because just like a house that’s built from the ground up, you have to start somewhere. you can’t build the house without breaking ground. there has to be something to work on, so you’ll know where to go and what to do next.

but be careful when you’re in this stage because you can still get hurt. you can get hurt not because you’re giving your all like in an official relationship but because you are still holding some things back, regardless if they’re crucial to your relationship’s growth or not. and that in the end, you regret things you didn’t do more than the ones you did. 

the day i’ve decided that not all men are jerks

this is the day i’ve decided that not all men are jerks. and it’s not because i woke up feeling pretty damn good this morning. it’s primarily because of a miracle that happened this afternoon that made me write off bad experiences with adam’s descendants as an adventure rather than a sign the universe is conspiring against me.

this guy, let’s call him dan, particularly caught my eye while inside the jeepney because he has an eerie resemblance with a guy from my past. the built of his body and his style of clothing really reminded me of mr. papua new guinea. and also, there it was, a huge henna tattoo on his left arm. it reads “dan,” so am assuming that’s his name (unless, of course, that’s the name of his lover) .

so off we went traversing the over-crowded highway. it wasn’t until after 15 minutes that we reached our stop. my mom, who’s a disabled but can still walk with the help of a cane, painstakingly reached for the door of the jeepney when dan stood up and went down while reaching her hands to assist her in going down. we thought it was also his stop, but we were surprised he got back up again. after that, i just found myself blurting out a “thank you” in possibly the most flirty way anyone ever could. (and the irony is i don’t believe in flirting because i don’t get the point.)

this got me thinking, maybe not all men are jerks. while some may seem like they’ve been to hell and back, there is still a handful left that hasn’t been a burden to female species. i used to think that once you’ve seen one, you’ve already seen them all. but i was wrong – men still deserve to be trusted because a handful of them proved themselves worthy of trust.

but at the end of the day, you only get what you deserve. it’s not about how men treat you but how you treat yourself. because the most important relationship you could ever have is the one you have with yourself.





time and the lemon law

how much time should you spend with a person to know you’d like to keep him/her in your life? barney stinson said, in his “lemon law,” only 5 minutes.

just like in buying a car, he said you only really need 5 minutes to know whether or not you and the person will work out. but is this, in the least bit, true? of course not. (heck, you’d probably even spend a good 5 minutes remembering the person’s name.) but unconsciously or not, in searching for a life partner, why do we still abide by the lemon law?

in this fast-paced life, we can only seem to afford spending time on as little as 3 dates, 4 phone calls, and a few text messages while still expecting to see what we need to see in deciding whether or not a person is a keeper. we forget that  3 dates, 4 phone calls, and a few text messages don’t make a relationship. we have this habit of judging the person right off the bat. why is that so?

maybe it’s not that we have become shallow. maybe because as our society demands more from us, we try to achieve more in life. and the more accomplishments we have, the higher we raise our standards in finding the right mate. and these standards, while they may not be posted in a sign we can carry around, they’re embedded in our heads. they’re like checklists that help us avoid wasting time in doing the pre-relationship dance. so as we meet new people, immediately, our minds turn to this mental checklist to see how many boxes can be ticked.

but isn’t this a sign of insecurity? a proof we can no longer trust time and how it can bring together the right moments that could make the other person a fit for us? maybe. because in matters of love, time is both our friend and enemy. it can create great relationships, given enough amount, but it can also kill potentially great ones in as short as 5 minutes.



courage and stupidity

when you’re young and you have your whole life ahead of you, the world will still forgive you if you do something stupid. because they say that it is only by making mistakes that you learn what you haven’t been taught in school.

but when you’re old enough to raise your own family, the world will see your mistakes as a product of stupidity – not courage, but stupidity.

courage versus stupidity – is there a line that separates the two?

they say courage is when you go to a place you haven’t been to and stupidity is when you go there without money or at least know someone who lives there.

courage is when you leave a job that makes you a slave and stupidity is when you quit your job without a new one yet and you don’t have any savings to help you get by.

courage is when you fall in love and stupidity is when you fall in love with a person that’s obviously wrong for you.

it’s really hard to distinguish one from the other. maybe because both can teach you a lesson that can vindicate you from fear of living your life to the fullest. in love, for instance, you won’t know how painful and wonderful it is to fall in love if you don’t experience at least once in your life being head-over-heels infatuated with a person. you won’t know what love can make you do if you don’t try to fight for a relationship that seems futile to others.

courage and stupidity. maybe being stupid every once in a while is, in itself, an act of courage. especially in love. 

of love and courage

i have this crazy idea of going back to the place where i met this new guy. i was thinking of immersing myself in what i have been dreading to do for the sake of getting a material for a screenplay: fall in love. 

am not sure i’ll be able to do this, but something tells me this is going to be dangerous. because love is a lot like quicksand – you dip your toe in it and before you know it, you’re knee-deep in it. worse, you might even drown. 

but life, just like love, is an act of courage.

how would i be able to make my dream of writing a masterpiece a reality if i don’t do this? how am i supposed to make the story as emotionally-striking as possible if i don’t experience it first hand? 

in love, how will i be able to convince myself that love is the greatest thing anyone can experience in a lifetime if i don’t do this?

but all is not fair in love –  even in life. i might get myself hurt in the process or i might hurt him. 

so tell me, is courage enough?


rants and lessons

every new person who steps into your life has a reason for being there. you may not always notice it but he/she somehow leaves a mark that can change your life forever.

just like in dating, every guy that you meet will teach you a thing or two about yourself and about finding the right life partner. just like how this new guy i met recently (the surfer dude) changed my outlook in dating and in myself.

no, it’s not that there is a chance we’d be together. we are in “texting” terms, but i honestly don’t think we could go beyond that. but i’ve definitely broken out of the box i trapped myself into when i met him. and before i discuss how i was able to do that, here are the reasons why i don’t think we can be together as a couple.

  1. the distance can kill us. while i don’t mind being in a long distance relationship, i certainly would mind if we don’t even get to spend enough time together before we part ways physically. i just don’t think you can build a foundation for the relationship that’s strong enough if you’re already away from each other in the early part of the relationship. this new guy is at least a 6-hour bus ride away from me. and we only met once before we came into “texting” terms. i don’t think that is enough for me to really invest in the relationship.
  2. we have different goals in life. i know better now than to judge people before really getting to know them. but this guy obviously wants different things in life than i do. i know that him choosing a different path to walk along doesn’t make him any less of a person than me. but i believe i still have the right to choose someone whose goals in life are somewhat in line with mine.

he can be a surfer all his life – nothing wrong with that if that’s what he’s good at. but that becomes a problem for me because                  it also means he has to be in baler, a place that i don’t think i can call home.

3. i can’t talk to him. by talk i mean be in a proper conversation with him. he wants us to text all the time, but he doesn’t give               me anything. he doesn’t ask me anything about me, which makes me think he’s not interested enough to really get to know me.             it’s like he just wants to have a textmate to kill time when he has nothing else to do. it’s not that am expecting him to be a great             conversationalist. heck, i know i have plenty of things to learn in that department. it’s just that without the basic skills in                         conversation, i won’t be able to learn anything about him – especially the crucial information.

okay, enough ranting. while i may have a lot of issues with him, the most important part is that i’ve learned a few things from this       experience.

  1. you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you just want to change a person. i have a lot of issues with him now and am sure i’ll still have plenty more if and when i get together with him. and changing him (or forcing him to) is very tempting to do. but then i realized you shouldn’t be in a relationship with the person, hoping you can change him into someone you truly like. that’s not your job. he should be able to do it himself and for his own good. if he’s not the kind of person you wanna be with in the first place, why bother keeping him?

it’s like buying a shirt. you find a shirt you like, with prints and all, but it’s too big for you that it looks like a dress on you.                         would you buy the shirt and then go through all the trouble of having it fixed by a seamstress just to make it fit you? no! you                 get the right size for you while you’re in the store. and if it’s not anymore available, it’s okay because there are plenty                                 more in the rack and in other stores.

2. look for specific qualities, not for a specific person. i always fall in a trap that i set myself – the fear of not being able to              find someone who will love me as me. maybe that’s why i find it difficult to walk away from failed relationships and meetups                  because i have this stupid idea that i will never be able to find those types of guys again.

but like i said, this idea is stupid. i realized now that it’s not that there is anything wrong with me that i can never keep a guy.                  it’s just that i fall in love with guys that are not fitted for me. they are either too much to handle or are beyond me.

3. if it doesn’t work out, don’t take it personally. find one that works instead. this is somewhat related to lesson                          number 2. like i said, i’d always think something is wrong with me every time me and the guy don’t work. but i now realize that              i shouldn’t have that mindset. i shouldn’t belittle myself and think that no one else will take me. i have already accomplished                  enough and learned enough to deserve to be loved. so if it doesn’t work out with the guy, i shouldn’t compromise my values.                  and instead, find one that works.

4. love takes work and time – just keep the faith. maybe it’s easy for others to find someone who wants to be in a                                  relationship with them. but that doesn’t mean the love will stay and their relationship will survive. it’s been a long and                              winding road for me, and i’ve been through a lot of emotionally torturing experiences. but i know that in the end, it’s all gonna              be worth it, and i will find the one. i will find that shirt that, while it may not be the best-looking shirt in the store, fits me just                right.

i don’t need to say again that i am not searching for the one because i want to settle down already. god knows am not into that           yet. it’s just that i won’t really know if being in a relationship is for me if i don’t at least try to be in one. besides, falling in love is the     best feeling in the world, why should i deprive myself of that?