heller baler

love…i have no idea how to start this post. all i know is i wanna write it all out.

i don’t know if he really likes me. if “nagtatanong” meant that he’s interested in me or that he just finds me weird that i chickened out after one try or if am overanalyzing and it is what i think it is. but here’s what am sure about – am confident (even if it’s just a false one) that guys with whom i think i am out of their league can also like me.

it was an instant ego boost. and it’s weird that love (or something like it) always happens to me when i least expect it. like what happened this weekend. i was supposed to become a wing-woman to a friend, but it was me who met someone.

it’s not that i wanna be in a relationship with him. it’s just that i find him really attractive. but then i remembered practicality wise, he’s out of my league. he earns a living by teaching surfing, which i don’t think can support himself well enough. he lives in a place that doesn’t feel like home to me. and all that makes me think i might become the bread winner of the family if i end up with him.

and then there’s this another idea in my head. what if by “nagtatanong” it means he’s just weirded out? it might be that he finds me strange enough to poke his curiosity. but then again, what do i care? to me he’s not what would be considered as man enough to be a partner to me. he can’t be a partner to me the way i want a partner to be.

and what if it’s just like the “chie” situation all over again, where i was almost sure he liked me but it turned out in the end that he didn’t? if that’s the case, it’s a good thing the new guy isn’t in my league. i don’t want the “chie” incident to happen again.

edited to add: just tracked down his facebook page (me and my research/journalistic skills!). i realized i don’t like him as much. he’s not even worth this post.

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