of love and the benjamin franklin effect

[romantic] love has many definitions – a billion and one of them. because the faster the world’s population grows, the more definitions of love come out.

some say it’s about making sacrifices. while for others, it’s not just a noun but a verb that you have to act out. and still, there are those who claim that it’s never an experience of the heart but of the mind because it’s a decision. it depends really on who’s talking and what experiences he’s/she’s been through.

and then of course, there’s my own definition. and like many others, my definition is a product of years of experiences of falling in love and getting hurt. i won’t say it’s the best definition of all because i am no expert. but it’s the best i could come up with.

i loved mr. d not because of who he is but because of what i did. all these years of trying so hard to get back together with him, convincing myself that our love story is like that of a fairy tale with a happy ending, made the feeling i already have for him more intense. because of everything i did for him to take me back, love has become the effect and not the cause.

maybe that’s why they say that loving can be learned. because as you act, your emotions follow. and ultimately, you believe that you, indeed, love the person.

it’s like the benjamin franklin story. he tried to “manipulate” one of his haters to become his die-hard fan by asking him a favor. then this dude, who hated his guts, eventually thought that he must have really liked benjamin after all because it felt good when he helped him. maybe love is exactly like that. the more you act on it, the more it intensifies and the more you believe it exists. even if it’s not there in the beginning, your actions plant the seed.

it’s not that i’m de-romanticizing or demystifying love by saying it is something deliberate – don’t get me wrong. the force that caused you to act in the first place still remains a mystery.

ultimately, love is a process – a journey. it’s not the end goal or the destination. and whatever caused it to happen is best left as a mystery.





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