preliminary decision

i’ve made a preliminary decision today. after everything that happened, i’m still attending that jerk’s classes.

it’s hard. i guess maturity calls for putting reason ahead of your emotions. my mind says i should still go because it’s a part of fulfilling my dream. but my emotions tell me not to because i’ll just hate every second i’m in that room with that hypocrite.

but maturity also calls for being responsible for your life. and exercising your freedom to choose your reaction to things that happen to you is being responsible. that’s why am still doing this.

that’s a very big change that you have to go through when you grow old. you can’t just think about how you’d feel when other people don’t measure up to your standards; you also have to consider what could happen if you let them rent your mind for free.

i guess it’s one of the perks of being an adult. your emotions (or even your brain) doesn’t mess up with you anymore. you don’t anymore have that inclination to live your life in pursuit of other people’s approval or of fitting in; you just do what it takes to be happy. although that doesn’t mean i should be like that jerk who doesn’t walk the talk and just keeps on being apathetic. that means i won’t discriminate – be kind to everyone while letting go of angst against anything.

when you’re an adult, you can also treat all shit that happens to you like a challenge – not the end of the world. because every challenge that you surpass is what shapes you to who you really are. this means you don’t give yourself unnecessary suffering because you can take anything without taking them personally.

on second thought, this experience might be a very important eye opener for me. it tells me that working towards your dream isn’t always going to be a walk in the park just because you are determined to succeed. most of the time, you’ll get discouraged by unexpected circumstances that are a part of the journey. so just like in the movie “about time,” i should just enjoy every moment instead of trying to fix everything. because time is not unlimited.

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