adulthood

the thing i love most about being an adult is that i don’t anymore have the tendency to hide my true self from other people. i don’t anymore give a crap about what other people will say about me. of course, i’d get affected for a short while but then i could easily shake it off as if nothing happened. 

i was able to prove this true when i attended  a high school friend’s birthday party during the weekend. in big crowds such as that, i used to be all loud and noisy, trying hard to make myself the life of the party. and if i don’t succeed, i’d hate myself for being reserved just because i know that people like the outgoing ones more than the reserved ones. but to my surprise, at that party, i just kept mum if i didn’t have anything to say instead of trying to make a fool of myself, saying non-sense things just so people won’t see me as a wallflower. i laughed when something is funny, and i would only share my two cents if i really have something to say on the topic. 

i was also able to test this when i was with my brother and mom at the mall this afternoon. i confronted my brother about my plan of not pursuing my canada plan. i could tell he was disappointed because he said something that i felt was a personal attack on me. i got disappointed, of course. i even cried because it hurt me so much. ( i got insulted, for crying out loud!) but after releasing all the negative emotions, it made me realize that i was just being myself when i made the decision of not pushing through with the canada plan. i felt it wasn’t the time to do it yet, so i decided to take a break from it. and while on break, i decided i would pursue my other dreams first. it hurt me to disappoint my loved ones, but it had to be done. because that’s what i want. 

maybe adulthood really isn’t so bad after all. you’re not anymore as “drunk” as you were in your teens. it’s like i always say: your teens are like your drunk years and your adulthood is when you sober up. maybe this is me sobering up. 

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