running

running is my favorite exercise. i always feel at peace whenever am moving every part of my body, thinking nothing but the lyrics of the music i’m listening to, all sweaty in my trainers. it seems like the most relaxing feeling in the world – to be able to move freely.

but in life in general, is running always a good thing? is it always going to bring you peace?

carrie bradshaw said when you run, it’s either you’re heading towards something or you’re running away from it. and it got me thinking about my own life. why did i wanna go to canada in the first place?

i made the decision when the business that i was putting up at that time was in the brink of collapsing. a good friend opened up the idea to me right in the moment where i was dealing with something i couldn’t handle. i wasn’t in the best shape of my life. i had issues –  a lot of them. a crumbling endeavor, a broken heart, and a friendship that was falling apart.

i just wanted to put an end to all of them. all i can think of at that time was to be free. free from what, you ask? i had no clue. all i know is i wanna be myself and do things that will make me happy. but as i go on with getting a visa for canada, am beginning to question why i am doing it in the first place. is it for freedom? freedom from what, you ask again. and again, i have no clue. and again, all i know is i just want to be happy.

going to canada is like running. but i have to ask myself the same question carrie asked herself – am i running towards something or away from it? and i think am beginning to see the answer to this. no matter how much i hate this hell hole of a country, i think this is where i should be. simply because my life goals – help people dream again and inspire them to see that life is good – are aligned with the needs of this place. maybe this is where i should be because i can become an instrument of change here. “give help where help is really needed,” as they say.

maybe i am just trying to run away from everything that’s been hurting me that’s why i wanted to move to canada so badly. i didn’t wanna see the people who hurt me. not just the people from my past but everyone who are still causing me pain. maybe i was just trying to escape instead of facing them. freedom in this case is not really about being happy but trying not to face a painful life anymore.

carrie’s right. running, while it makes you feel free, isn’t always a good thing. it doesn’t always come along with freedom. because freedom is not always what it seems. freedom doesn’t always mean you’re gonna be happy.

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