dreams are my reality

it’s been a while since my last post here. it’s been a roller coaster of emotions for me in the latter part of 2013, but am still alive. maybe after all those burns and bruises, i’m meant to be a survivor.

speaking of being a survivor, my dream of becoming a screenplay writer is still alive. i promised myself last year i’d take up short course on basic scriptwriting. but i didn’t get around to doing it for some reason. but finally, i was able to enroll myself in a class that will span for 4 weekends.

this wasn’t an easy decision. i know in my heart that i want to do this. but then, there’s that canada plan that has been a roadblock ever since. and it’s funny that the more that plan is put off, the more i realize what i really want and what matters to me. i realized in the end that the only reason i wanted to do that was because i wanna help my brothers out. but as time passes by, am beginning to see that my brothers don’t really need my help. they’re starting to run their own lives – make their own decisions, no matter how stupid some of them may be. i can only be in the background, waiting for their call if they need me. i’m not supposed to take care of them like they’re little kids who need to be followed around to make sure they won’t get hurt. they’re big boys now – they’re men. they need to do this on their own. and because of that, i really only have my mom and dad to take care of. because they won’t be able to support everything they need on their own.

and then, there’s also the fact that i don’t have any idea what i’d do with my life in canada. i literally have no plans for my life there. me, who’s ever so paranoid that i’d plan out the littlest details of my life, has no plans for when i settle in canada. isn’t that a tad inconsistent with who i am?

so there, that’s how i’ve decided to jump the gun. and it feels good to finally be honest with myself. i feel ecstatic but scared at the same time. although am not really sure where the scared part comes from. maybe it’s from the fact that am doing something really big – that am doing something that will totally change my life. but even though i’ve got no plans laid out yet for becoming a screenplay writer except for taking this class, i think i can be happier if i choose to do this over the canada plan. because over the years, i’ve changed. and so did my dreams. 

so help me god.

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