change is awesome

change can be good. it’s intimidating at first, but it becomes enjoyable in the process. it may seem impossible to get through because you may have to break yourself against it. but the truth is, that’s where you’ll find all the excitement. 

change is fun. when you embrace it, you’ll discover a lot of things about yourself. you’ll learn what your strengths are. and you’ll be amazed at how much you can do. the things you didn’t think you can pull off could be a piece of cake just because you let change draw out the best in you. the things you were so scared at first will seem like a fun game to you just because your perspective changed. 

boredom will kill you but change is what kills boredom. as paulo coelho has put it: “you think adventure is dangerous? try routine.” and he is very much correct. because without change, your life will just become a meaningless series of sunrise and sunset. it’s not that routine is bad. in fact, humans are creatures of habit, by nature. but the deadly routine that paulo coelho is talking about is that which we frequently do despite the fact that it doesn’t help us grow. and we continue to do them just because we’re too stubborn to embrace change. and when that happens, boredom is inevitable. 

change is awesome. it’s just disguised in trials with which we don’t want our comfortable lives to be messed up. 

 

fake it

the most important lesson that i’ve learned so far in my writing career is to “fake it till you make it.” i admit, i wasn’t born to become a journalist, although i believe i at least have a tiny bit of writer’s bone within me. that’s why i had to work harder than the others. and thank god because i think it’s starting to pay off. i’ve been noticing big changes in my reporting style, which is what i’ve been aiming.

maybe that’s how it really is in life. some things go with you when you come out to this world. but others have to be acquired along the way. like talents. my co-worker ds, for instance, has the word “financial journalist” inscribed in every fiber of her being ever since she was born. unlike me, who still needs to go through a grueling training just to learn the basics.

seems unfair, in theory, to not be sharing the same talents with others when you want to. but it really isn’t. and it doesn’t matter. because like i said, some talents are almost always acquired – not in-born. so it’s never too late to learn new things and master them. but it’s not always a guarantee that you’ll succeed with those talents in you, even if you’re born with them. unless you are brave enough to go through what it takes to develop them and share them to world. and it’s sad that not everybody is brave enough to do what they’re meant to do.

maybe i deserve a pat on the back after all. because while i may not be the greatest writer, at least am starting to become one – in my own right. and to be honest, i don’t mind doing the heavy lifting. if it means i’ll be able to be the best that i can be, i’ll give it all i’ve got.

overthinking

in my book, overthinking and anger are pretty much the same in that they are both acids that can hurt any vessel that holds them. only, overthinking is the weaker kind. (because no one has ever died due to overthinking.)

overthinking is a sign that something is wrong, not with your circumstance, but with you. because while you may think that by overthinking, you are being prepared, you are really just being paranoid not to trust that you’ll be fine no matter what. it is telling yourself one thing, only to find out the truth is the exact opposite. so just like anger, it ruins relationships, careers, and even sanity.

in my book, it is also passing judgment on things too quickly. maybe that’s why they called it “jumping to conclusions.” and we all know very well what happens when one jumps too early too quickly – he gets hurt. and that’s exactly what happens when you overthink – you get hurt unnecessarily.

when things get blown out of proportions, there’s no one to blame but yourself. because while it helps to think out of the box in every situation, taking things as they are, sometimes, is the easier way out.

crazy dream

even i has been laughing at myself for having this dream. i didn’t think my career would take this direction. 

believe it or not, i am actually taking up filmmaking classes. i am particularly interested in scriptwriting, so i enrolled. and thinking about it now made me realize that this is as crazy as my dream could be. i, who is openly admitted that i might not have an artistic bone in my body, is taking a plunge into art – filmmaking to be specific. wow. just wow. 

but then i realize, some successful people became who they are because they pursued crazy dreams. (wright brothers, ring a bell?) that is maybe why am still doing this. 

so i guess you could say am somehow doubting myself if i can pull this off. but if i do, i just know it would be such a self-fulfilling moment. i would be on cloud 9 if that ever happens. 

so yeah, am doing this. coz after all, it’s the crazy dreams that make you successful, right? 😉

on overthinking and being positive

because am so emotionally unstable sometimes, i tend to overthink things. indeed, as a virgo, i can make mountains out of molehills. and this becomes a problem when a molehill of a problem really has the tendency to become a mountain if not handled correctly. this canada dilemma, for instance. sure, it’s a big deal but there’s a way around it because there’s always a way around things. but am stressing myself out too much because i can’t relax. (well, that’s because that’s not my personality.)

but the truth is it’s okay to be in a limbo. although on second thought, am really not in a limbo on this one. maybe i just don’t realize it enough but i’ve just found a way to know if i still wanna push through with it – by attending the filmmaking workshop. after frying my brain out of thinking too much for a solution, this could really be the solution. 

positive thinking – maybe that’s what am lacking in my life. somebody said positive thinking is only for losers because it won’t get you anywhere in life, except in dreamland. he/she said positive thinking can’t help you achieve your goal because it won’t guarantee success. well, to some extent i agree with him/her. i agree in the part where he/she said positive thinking alone won’t do you good. if you only keep dreaming of good things but never act them, you’re in for a disastrous life. but i still think positive thinking is important in that it is not just an attitude but also a state of mind. positive thinking is focus – setting your mind to your goal. it is not just being hopeful. so when you’re being positive about something, you’re not just being polyanna who wears her rose-colored glasses; you’re being a warrior princess who is determined to get what she hopes to achieve.

with that said, maybe being positive is what will help me overcome my habit of overthinking. because when i overthink, i tend to become so pessimistic that i’d lose sight of my goal. and when that happens, i’d just be hopeless prey, lying around to be trampled by the next predator. so my overthinking has to change. 

i’m positive i will change. 

 

my sacrifice

when is sacrificing for your loved one becomes too much? is it still proper to take one for the team at the expense of your own dreams?

i tried to open up my recent thoughts on the canada endeavor to my brother, who is the very reason why am pushing through with the plan in the first place. i don’t know if he just isn’t in the mood or if he’s already sleepy because it’s already past his bedtime. but nonetheless, i can tell he’s not going to agree with my decision of dropping the canada plan when we talk tomorrow.

this is hard. this is a difficult decision to make. to be honest right now, all i can think of is why am i making such a big sacrifice when they themselves can’t even fulfill their responsibility of finishing school? why do i have to give up my whole life here in the country just to move miles away without a single clue about where am headed?

i just find it unfair.

on second thought, maybe this is a sign i shouldn’t give up. since i’ve been wanting to help my brothers straighten up their lives, this is the way to do it. i don’t know anymore. there’s just a lot to sacrifice. and i don’t like it.

dreams are my reality

it’s been a while since my last post here. it’s been a roller coaster of emotions for me in the latter part of 2013, but am still alive. maybe after all those burns and bruises, i’m meant to be a survivor.

speaking of being a survivor, my dream of becoming a screenplay writer is still alive. i promised myself last year i’d take up short course on basic scriptwriting. but i didn’t get around to doing it for some reason. but finally, i was able to enroll myself in a class that will span for 4 weekends.

this wasn’t an easy decision. i know in my heart that i want to do this. but then, there’s that canada plan that has been a roadblock ever since. and it’s funny that the more that plan is put off, the more i realize what i really want and what matters to me. i realized in the end that the only reason i wanted to do that was because i wanna help my brothers out. but as time passes by, am beginning to see that my brothers don’t really need my help. they’re starting to run their own lives – make their own decisions, no matter how stupid some of them may be. i can only be in the background, waiting for their call if they need me. i’m not supposed to take care of them like they’re little kids who need to be followed around to make sure they won’t get hurt. they’re big boys now – they’re men. they need to do this on their own. and because of that, i really only have my mom and dad to take care of. because they won’t be able to support everything they need on their own.

and then, there’s also the fact that i don’t have any idea what i’d do with my life in canada. i literally have no plans for my life there. me, who’s ever so paranoid that i’d plan out the littlest details of my life, has no plans for when i settle in canada. isn’t that a tad inconsistent with who i am?

so there, that’s how i’ve decided to jump the gun. and it feels good to finally be honest with myself. i feel ecstatic but scared at the same time. although am not really sure where the scared part comes from. maybe it’s from the fact that am doing something really big – that am doing something that will totally change my life. but even though i’ve got no plans laid out yet for becoming a screenplay writer except for taking this class, i think i can be happier if i choose to do this over the canada plan. because over the years, i’ve changed. and so did my dreams. 

so help me god.